PILATES PRIAPISM

Today at George Henry Lee’s

we bought an exercise mat

(or was it a prayer mat? –

sometime you must tell me the difference).

Folded into a stiff cylinder,

it was unyielding to the efforts

of two elderly employees

to draw a tight plastic bag

from head to base of shaft.

She held the erect mat on the counter;

he with placid panic inched down alternate sides.

I was about to say, ‘You don’t often get

such a big condom, ’ but stopped,

not wishing to cause embarrassment.

Then, smiling, she reflected, ‘If we’re not careful,

it’ll balloon out at the top. ’

The mat did not ejaculate;

I paid cash at any rate.