THE ENDURING WITNESS
In church two young people profess unshakable,
undying love; they promise that, whatever
happens, they will remain faithful to each
other. In this manner they mortgage themselves,
pledging their state of mind at the moment
of pronouncing a solemn oath as security
for a love that death alone will terminate.
Often enough this state of mind only lasts
a few months or years, progressively weakening
with the passing of time; the undertaking
emotionally entered into at that moment endures
nonetheless, imposing a behaviour foreign
to the true nature of the partners, but one
they cannot seek to change without awful
consequences.
Such emotional undertakings are certainly
not restricted to conjugal fidelity: our
friendships are likewise tainted, together
with everything from political convictions
to less fundamental opinions on art or literature.
The stress created by such unnatural discipline
is often aggravated by guilt feelings because
we find infidelity tempting and because we
resist the temptation: a split takes place
in the psyche.
Let us be clear as to what the real cause
of the problem is. Why do we believe fidelity
is founded on some psychological reality?
It is because we have accepted the principle
of an enduring ego. And I am not speaking
of persistence beyond the grave, but from
one second to the next. We like to say that
it is the body that changes, that what we
bear within us is, if not immutable, then
at least capable of persisting unchanged,
and that, if changes do take place there,
they are weaknesses, even perhaps psychological
dysfunctions.
It is true, however, that there is more tolerance
for changes in attitude about works of art
than those about people. So you have heard
Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony too often?
It is starting to bore you? Fine. But do
not become too fickle; your musical caprices
should keep certain bounds. You do not have
to remain permanently attached to all the
works you once loved: you are free to change
your musical hatreds into loves and vice
versa, so long as you at least keep an inviolable
love for one composer. That person who is
unfaithful to Tchaikovsky, to Mozart, even
to Bach (Johann Sebastian, no less, may one's
name be praised!), in a word, to all the
loves of one's youth except, say, Cimarosa,
such a person, I affirm, cannot be taken
to task for musical whim. But if, in the
silent court of his conscience, he pleads
guilty to ceasing to love one of his friends,
then it follows with a totally cerebral logic
that he cannot continue to love himself either.
The very source of self-esteem has been dried
up.
Such are the differences between ethics and
aesthetics: a work of art brings beauty,
while a person is sacred?
Bullshit! Yes, sacred bullshit!
And what precisely is this ego that people
wish to protect from any vagaries of temperament?
A bundle of stimuli and motor responses with
all the neurological activity these involve,
it is a sounding box vibrating with the noises
of the moment, noises consumed in silence
as soon as others make themselves heard;
or again, it's a tape recorder which, as
it records afresh, provisionally erases everything
hitherto transcribed. The ego is thus a state
as ephemeral as the wishes and feelings it
is composed of. It's not an entity persisting
from cradle to grave: indeed, it is legion,
having the plurality of the psychological
moments of a lifetime; and one should speak,
not of his ego, but of his egos.
When we think of our egos of yesterday or
last year, we feel as though we were in the
presence of a phenomenon that is both strange
and yet quite familiar - strange in its contents
of stale dreams; familiar in its container:
it is we who have dreamed and decided thus.
At least that is what we believe. Nonetheless,
these dreams and decisions do not seem to
depend on us or to belong to us: they give
the impression of being generated in someone
else's head and only creeping into our's
by mistake. A thought like 'Yesterday I loved
her' could very well be written as 'Yesterday
X or Y loved her'.
To explain adequately the source of this
weakness I will have to re-examine the ternary
structure of the psyche, and, in order to
do so, I will readapt the old terms of psychoanalysis.
It seems to me there are two consciousnesses,
each chronologically determined. One belongs
to the past and the other to the present;
each, however contains its share of the subconscious
- that submerged nine-tenths of the iceberg.
First there is the past consciousness or
ego, which, together with its attendant subconscious
element, the id, is as transitory and as
plural as the nerve messages that produced
it. Then there are the conscious and subconscious
of the present, which are the ego and the
id become actualised. However, this present
ego has a very important function, which
I am calling the witness. This (you can call
it the superego) is in a state of perpetual
or, to be more precise, continually repeated
watchfulness. It is this witness which, through
memory, compares states of consciousness
both past and present.
It is indeed due to memory that this witness
gives an illusion of continuity: it feels
as if it has existed for years, as if it
were part and parcel of all those other egos
to whose existence it testifies. In this
it is strongly abetted by what I shall call
our hereness, that delusion according to
which we believe that we share a common time-space
continuum with all our other egos of the
past. Now it is only through memory of course
that the past does exist: therefore, this
psychological component - the witness -,
by feeble reflections of the past mirrored
back to it by memory, gives us the impression
that it has always existed: if we apprehend
a 'past' event, it is, we think, because
we experienced it, because we 'were there'.
Nothing could be less true: at the most we
receive mnemonic representations, for the
old egos are all dead.
Thus the enduring witness, seeming forever
to hold its court in the silence of recollection,
provokes in us the fantasy according to which
all these scattered egos, discrete moments
of our psychic life, are nothing but one
single ego subsisting through all vicissitudes.
It is in this way that the witness can plead
to infidelity, though it was not he that
said, 'I love you,' in the first place and
in the second the person he 'no longer loves'
is not the same any more, having ceased to
exist just as he has himself.
In this way we spend a great part of our
lives suffering the pangs of remorse and
shame that have no basis in psychological
reality. We endeavour - for a chimera - to
follow plans of conduct that are no longer
ours and to revive feelings that are as coldly
dead as the soup we had at our wedding breakfast.
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