065

Excretory Largesse.

Whenever, in the past, I have been caught out in the forest without toilet paper, I always made a point of selecting the zodiacal section of my tabloid to complete my ablutions. I always try to be discriminating in my paginationary choice and the apportionment and disbursement of my excretory largesse.

Most of the so-called 'News and Comment' sections of the yellow press are little above the cerebral level of the horoscope drivel. My sole kvetch is that the purveyors of this hogwash are unlikely to visit our wooded regions and stumble upon the picayune 'messages' I have left in my sylvan retreats and see exactly what befell their Delphic literary fictions. When I was at university, some comic had considerately stamped each leaf of the toilet rolls - 'Sociology Degree.' Perhaps some audacious entrepreneur could devise and market similar sanitary products, whereon is gazetted the wilder claims and prognostications of astrologers, politicians and the various other purveyors of scrivened ca-ca?