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What Buddhists Believe
IN SEVENTEEN WEB-PAGE PARTS WEB-PAGE TWELVE
Chapter 12 |
K.Sri Dhammananda
Venerable Dhammananda was born on March 18,
1919 to the family of Mr. K.A. Garmage in
the village of Kirinde, Matara in southern
Ceylon. Like most children born during the
British colonial period, he was given the
English name of Martin. He was the eldest
in a family of three brothers and three sisters
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Chapter 12 Marriage, Birth Control And Death
Buddhist Views on Marriage
In Buddhism, marriage is regarded as entirely
a personal, individual concern and not as
a religious duty.
Marriage is a social convention, an institution
created by man for the well-being and happiness
of man, to differentiate human society from
animal life and to maintain order and harmony
in the process of procreation. Even though
the Buddhist texts are silent on the subject
of monogamy or polygamy, the Buddhist laity
is advised to limit themselves to one wife.
The Buddha did not lay rules on married life
but gave necessary advice on how to live
a happy married life. There are ample inferences
in His sermons that it is wise and advisable
to be faithful to one wife and not to be
sensual and to run after other women. The
Buddha realized that one of the main causes
of man's downfall is his involvement with
other women (Parabhava Sutta).Man must realize
the difficulties, the trials and tribulations
that he has to undergo just to maintain a
wife and a family. These would be magnified
many times when faced with calamities. Knowing
the frailties of human nature, the Buddha
did, in one of His precepts, advise His followers
of refrain from committing adultery or sexual
misconduct.
The Buddhist views on marriage are very liberal:
in Buddhism, marriage is regarded entirely
as personal and individual concern, and not
as a religious duty. There are no religious
laws in Buddhism compelling a person to be
married, to remain as a bachelor or to lead
a life of total chastity. It is not laid
down anywhere that Buddhists must produce
children or regulate the number of children
that they produce. Buddhism allows each individual
the freedom to decide for himself all the
issues pertaining to marriage. It might be
asked why Buddhist monks do not marry, since
there are no laws for or against marriage.
The reason is obviously that to be of service
to mankind, the monks have chosen a way of
life which includes celibacy. Those who renounce
the worldly life keep away from married life
voluntarily to avoid various worldly commitments
in order to maintain peace of mind and to
dedicate their lives solely to serve others
in the attainment of spiritual emancipation.
Although Buddhist monks do not solemnize
a marriage ceremony, they do perform religious
services in order to bless the couples.
Divorce
Separation or divorce is not prohibited in
Buddhism though the necessity would scarcely
arise if the Buddha's injunctions were strictly
followed. Men and women must have the liberty
to separate if they really cannot agree with
each other. Separation is preferable to avoid
miserable family life for a long period of
time. The Buddha further advises old men
not to have young wives as the old and young
are unlikely to be compatible, which can
create undue problems, disharmony and downfall
(Parabhava Sutta).
A society grows through a network of relationships
which are mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent.
Every relationship is a whole hearted commitment
to support and to protect others in a group
or community. Marriage plays a very important
part in this strong web of relationships
of giving support and protection. A good
marriage should grow and develop gradually
from understanding and not impulse, from
true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence.
The institution of marriage provides a fine
basis for the development of culture, a delightful
association of two individuals to be nurtured,
and to be free from loneliness, deprivation
and fear. In marriage, each partner develops
a complementary role, giving strength and
moral courage to one another, each manifesting
a supportive and appreciative recognition
of the other's skills. There must be no thought
of either man or woman being superior? each
is complementary to the other, a partnership
of equality, exuding gentleness, generosity,
calm and dedication.
Birth Control, Abortion and Suicide
Although man has freedom to plan his family
according to his own convenience, abortion
is not justifiable.
There is no reason for Buddhists to oppose
birth control. They are at liberty to use
any of the old or modern measures to prevent
conception. Those who object to birth control
by saying that it is against God's law to
practise it, must realize that their concept
regarding this issue is not reasonable. In
birth control what is done is to prevent
the coming into being of an existence. There
is no killing involved and there is no akusala
kamma. But if they take any action to have
an abortion, this action is wrong because
it involves taking away or destroying a visible
or invisible life. Therefore, abortion is
not justifiable.
According to the Teachings of the Buddha,
five conditions must be present to constitute
the evil act of killing. They are:
a living being knowledge or awareness it
is a living being intention of killing effort
to kill, and consequent death When a female
conceives, there is a being in her womb and
this fulfills the first condition. After
a couple of months, she knows that there
is a new life within her and this satisfies
the second condition. Then for some reason
or other, she wants to do away with this
being in her. So she begins to search for
an abortionist to do the job and in this
way, the third condition is fulfilled. When
the abortionist does his job, the fourth
condition is provided for and finally, the
being is killed because of that action. So
all the conditions are present. In this way,
there is a violation of the First Precept
'not to kill', and this is tantamount to
killing a human being. According to Buddhism,
there is no ground to say that we have the
right to take away the life of another.
Under certain circumstances, people feel
compelled to do that for their own convenience.
But they should not justify this act of abortion
as somehow or other they will have to face
some sort of bad karmic results. In certain
countries abortion is legalized, but this
is to overcome some problems. Religious principles
should never be surrendered for the pleasure
of man. They stand for the welfare of the
whole mankind.
Committing Suicide
Taking one's own life under any circumstances
is morally and spiritually wrong. Taking
one's own life owing to frustration or disappointment
only causes greater suffering. Suicide is
a cowardly way to end one's problems of life.
A person cannot commit suicide if his mind
is pure and tranquil. If one leaves this
world with a confused and frustrated mind,
it is most unlikely that he would be born
again in a better condition. Suicide is an
unwholesome or unskillful act since it is
encouraged by a mind filled with greed, hatred
and delusion. Those who commit suicide have
not learnt how to face their problems, how
to face the facts of life, and how to use
their mind in a proper manner. Such people
have not been able to understand the nature
of life and worldly conditions.
Some people sacrifice their own lives for
what they deem as a good and noble cause.
They take their own life by such methods
as self-immolation, bullet-fire, or starvation.
Such actions may be classified as brave and
courageous. However, from the Buddhist point
of view, such acts are not to be condoned.
The Buddha has clearly pointed out that the
suicidal states of mind lead to further suffering.
Why Does the World Population Increase?
There is really no ground to think that this
is the only period in which the population
of the world has increased.
If Buddhists do not believe in the soul created
by god, how are they going to account for
the increase of population in the world today?
This is a very common question that is asked
by many people today. People who ask this
question usually assume that there is only
one world where living beings exist. One
must consider that it is quite natural for
the population to increase in such places
where good climatic conditions, medical facilities,
food and precautions are available to produce
and to protect living beings.
One must also consider that there is really
no ground to think that this is the only
period in which the population in the world
has increased. There are no means of comparison
with any period of ancient history. Vast
civilizations existed and have disappeared
in Central Asia, the Middle East, Africa
and Ancient America. No census figures on
these civilizations are even remotely available.
Population, as everything else in the universe,
is subject to cycles of rise and fall. In
cycles of alarming increases of birth rate,
one might be consequently tempted to argue
against rebirth in this or other worlds.
For the last few thousand years, there has
been no evidence to prove that there were
more people in some parts of the world than
there are today. The number of beings existing
in the various world systems is truly infinite.
If human lives can be compared to only one
grain of sand, the number of beings in the
universe is like the grains of sand all the
beaches in the world. When conditions are
right and when supported by their good kamma,
a few of these infinite number of beings
are reborn as human beings. The advancement
of medicine especially in the 19th and 20th
centuries has enabled human beings to live
longer and healthier lives.
This is a factor that contributes to population
increase. Population can further increase
unless sensible people take measures to control
it. Hence, the credit or responsibility of
increasing the population must be given to
medical facilities and other circumstances
available today. This credit or responsibility
cannot be allotted to any particular religion
or any external sources.
There is a belief among certain people that
all unfortunate occurrences that destroy
human lives are created by god in order to
reduce the population of the world. Instead
of giving so much suffering to his own creatures,
why cannot he control the population? Why
does he create more and more people in thickly
populated countries where there is no proper
food, clothing and other basic and necessary
requirements? Those who believe that god
created everything cannot give a satisfactory
answer to this question. Poverty, unhappiness,
war, hunger, disease, famine are not due
to the will of god or to the whim of some
devil, but to causes which are not so difficult
to discover.
Sex and Religion
?
'The lower part of us is still animal.'(Gandhi)
The sex impulse is the most dynamic force
in human nature. So far-reaching is the sexual
force that some measures of self-control
is necessary even in ordinary existence.
In the case of the spiritual aspirant, for
whoever wants to bring his mind under complete
control, a still greater measure of self-discipline
is necessary. Such a powerful force in human
character can be subdued only if the aspirant
controls his thoughts and practises concentration.
The conservation of the sexual force helps
to develop this strength. For if he controls
the sexual force, he will have more control
over his whole make-up, over his lesser emotions.
Celibacy is one of the requirements for those
who like to develop their spiritual development
to perfection. However, it is not compulsory
for each and every person to observe complete
celibacy in order to practise Buddhism. The
Buddha's advice is that observing celibacy
is more congenial for a person who wants
to cultivate his spiritual achievements.
For ordinary Buddhist laymen, the precept
is to abstain from sexual misconduct. Although
perversion of the sexual force is not under
this same category, the perverted person
invariably suffers bad reactions either physically,
or mentally or both.
There is a need for Buddhist laymen to exercise
some degree of control over their sexual
force. Man's sexual urge must be controlled
properly otherwise man will behave worse
than an animal when he is intoxicated with
lust. Consider the sexual behavior of what
we call the 'lower animal'. Which really
is often 'lower'? The animal or the man?
Which acts in a normal, regular manner as
regards sexual behavior? And which runs off
into all manner of irregularities and perversities?
Often it is the animal that is the higher
creature and man that is the lower. And why
is this? It is simply because man who possesses
the mental capacity which if rightly used,
could make him master over his sex impulses,
has actually used his mental powers in such
deplorable fashion as to make himself more
a slave to those impulses. Thus man can,
at times, be considered lower than the animal.
Our ancestors played down this sexual impulse;
they knew that it was strong enough without
giving it any extra encouragement. But today
we have blown it up with a thousand forms
of incitation, suggestive advertisements,
emphasis and display; and we have armed the
sexual force with the doctrine that inhibition
is dangerous and can even cause mental disorders.
Yet inhibition the control of impulse is
the first principle of any civilization.
In our modern civilization, we have polluted
the sexual atmosphere that surrounds us.
So great is the mind-body urge for sexual
gratification.
As a result of this sex exploitation by the
hidden persuaders of modern society, the
youth of today have developed an attitude
toward sex that is becoming a public nuisance.
An innocent girl has no freedom to move anywhere
without being disturbed. On the other hand,
females should be dressed such a manner as
not to arouse the hidden animal nature of
youths.
Man is the only animal that does not have
periods of natural sexual inactivity during
which the body can recover its vitality.
Unfortunately, commercial exploitation of
the erotic nature in man has caused modern
man to be exposed to a ceaseless barrage
of sexual stimulation from every side. Much
of the neuroses of present-day life is traceable
to this unbalanced state of affairs. Men
are expected to be monogamous, yet women
are encouraged in every possible way to 'glamorize'
themselves, not for the husband alone, but
to excite in every man passions that society
forbids him to indulge in.
Many societies try to enforce monogamous
relationships. Thus a man with many failings
can still be a moral man, meaning that he
is faithful to the one wife that the law
allows him to have. The danger here lies
in the fact that thoughtful people who are
intelligent enough to realize that these
rules are artificial and not based on any
transcendental, universally valid principles,
are liable to fall into the error of thinking
the same about all the other ethical laws.
Sex should be given its due place in normal
human life; it should be neither unhealthily
repressed nor morbidly exaggerated. And it
should always be under the control of the
will, as it can be if it is regarded sanely
and placed in its proper perspective.
Sex should not be considered as the most
important ingredient for one's happiness
in a married life. Those who over-indulge
can become slaves to sex which would ultimately
ruin love and humane consideration in marriage.
As in everything, one must be temperate and
rational in one's sexual demands taking into
consideration one another's intimate feelings
and temperament.
Marriage is a bond of partnership for life
entered into by a man and a woman. Patience,
tolerance and understanding are the three
principal qualities that should be developed
and nurtured by the couple. Whilst love should
be the knot tying the couple together, material
necessities for sustaining a happy home should
be made available by the male partner for
the couple to share. The qualification for
a good partnership in marriage should be
'ours' and not 'yours'or 'mine' . A good
couple should 'open' their hearts to one
another and to refrain from entertaining
'secrets'. Keeping secrets to oneself could
lead to suspicion and suspicion is the element
that could destroy love in a partnership.
Suspicion breeds jealousy, jealousy creates
anger, anger develops hatred, hatred turns
into enmity and enmity could cause untold
suffering including bloodshed, suicide and
even murder.
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